Oh, to be young again. I mean, not that I’m old (31, to be precise), but I find myself thinking this as I glance out of the window, taking note of the 20-something-year-old girl in the flat opposite. She’s glancing up at her laptop and taking notes in a notebook. It looks like she is studying. Would I go back in a time machine if I could? And if I did, I wonder what I’d tell my younger, naive self?
After much contemplation over what feels like a lifetime of the most ridiculous mistakes known to humankind, I’ve compiled a list of 5 things I would tell my 20-year-old self.
1. Don’t waste time chasing someone else’s dream
Make your own way. Carve your own path. Tune into your heart and your intuition. Don’t follow the path of logic so purposely set up by society – especially Western society, as I know it. We’re always taught not to act on our gut feelings and intuition and that logic is more important. But where did that lead me? Misery, to put it bluntly! I had a bit of an identity crisis and I felt like I didn’t know who I was anymore. I had no idea what I wanted, because I was looking in all the wrong places. Don’t let the world tell you what your priorities are. You hold the key.
2. Travel
Do it soon. Don’t wait, hoping you’re about to realise your career dreams, so you can build something for yourself before you go. When your heart is telling you to do something – do it. This was one of my biggest mistakes. Surrounded by friends and peers who were going onto further study or getting graduate jobs, I spent so much time worrying about my own career path. I felt like there was something wrong with me, because I didn’t know what I wanted to do as a profession. It’s clear to me now that I wasn’t ready for that, and if I’d accepted that, I would have taken a very different path, following my bliss instead of trying to live up to societal expectations. I did go in the end, but had let myself sink into a pretty dark place before I mustered up the courage.
3. Don’t let others walk all over you
One thing I’ve realised, to my dismay – I’m basically like a sponge. Soft, squishy, soaking up everything around me. When people are cruel, it really troubles me, and it feels like I absorb the energy so deeply that it affects my entire existence. Of course, the narcissists thrive on that, and they can sense it. If you’re not taking proper care of yourself, your energy actually invites them in. They feast on you.
My 20-year-old self was always keen to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. If I could impart one important piece of advice, it would be to learn to trust my gut feeling, shield myself and stand up to anyone who tries to take advantage. Now, I have a solid boundary with energy vampires. I will do anything in my power to not let them in. I’m sensitive to my surroundings and my intuition can spot them a mile off. I’ve learned to trust my intuition instead of suppressing it, and as a result I no longer let people make me feel small.
4. Don’t care what other people think of you
If someone doesn’t like you, don’t take it personally. Not everyone can like you – just as you can’t like everyone. People come onto your path for a reason. Some are here to stay, and others are here to teach you lessons. So what would I tell my younger self? Your real friends will love you for who you are and will stick by you through thick and thin. Always be yourself. How are you supposed to find your soul tribe if you’re busy trying to be someone else?
5. Put yourself first
From a young age, we’re taught that putting others before yourself is a noble thing to do, but at what expense? Don’t get me wrong – sharing is caring, and selfless acts to help others is in many cases a beautiful thing, but we need to know where to draw the line. Whether it’s staying in a relationship to make someone else happy, or taking on more tasks than we can handle at work – knowing when to say no is paramount. When you’re consistently trying to keep others happy at your own expense – you lose yourself. Like a battery, your energy needs to be recharged. There needs to be both give and take – a balanced energy exchange. If it’s nothing but give, give, give, your battery will drain. Eventually there will be nothing left to give – apart from calls to mental health support groups!
Hindsight is a Beautiful Thing
Of course I would love to go back in a time machine and make these changes, but the reality is, even if I could, I doubt I would take the advice! Regardless of what I would tell my younger self, I’m certain I’d make the same mistakes all over again. Hindsight is a beautiful thing, but so are mistakes, because we learn from them. That’s how we grow. My mistakes are part of who I am today, and I’ve learned to accept all parts of me – including the shadows. People can give you advice, but sometimes you have to learn the hard way, by making the mistakes, sometimes over and over again, before you learn those valuable lessons. You have to work things out for yourself; make your own mistakes; walk (and sometimes scramble!) your own path.
Life has thrown me some crazy curve-balls – some which have been a direct result of my own ridiculous actions! I could probably write a book on how not to live your life, but instead of focusing on what we could have done differently, how about we take value from the lessons, and look to the future. You can’t change the past, but you can change the now. Instead of disliking my younger self and holding her responsible, I’ve learned to forgive her, to nurture her and let her know that everything is okay.
